diary of a broken heart. .

dear broken heart..




this post is dedicated to all those going through difficult matters of the heart!

”diary of a broken heart”,
this was my planned title for a diary-of-sorts that i wanted to write
when i was brokenhearted once. i thought to myself, what if isulat ko
lahat ng nararamdaman ko araw araw sa loob ng isang buong taon, then
i’d be able to read it when i am healed, and see my journey from a new
point of view, from denial to anger to bitterness to hope to healing
(or whatever jumbled order you’ve experienced in your own love life)
and maybe, it might be able to help future broken hearts out there.

but, i never got to writing it.

siguro
dahil sa sobrang sakit, kapag naiisip kong magsulat, nananalo na lang
yung kagustuhan kong magmukmok sa isang tabi. imbis na mag-effort pa
ako na mag-isip at magpagod, ginusto ko na lang na wala na lang akong
intindihin. hanggang sa lumipas ang mga linggo, mga buwan, i went
through all kinds of emotions (na slightly nakakabaliw talaga yung iba
ha!), until one day, i was okay.

having said all that, and
having heard some of the most saddening break-up stories the past
weeks, allow me to try to reconstruct a few of the things i’ve learned
in life, and love, that might help that broken heart of yours or of
someone you know.

1. on advice.

kapag
brokenhearted ka.. no advice said to you will make you feel better.
none. as in. wala. kahit ano, walang effect. kapag brokenhearted ka,
the only thing that you think will make you feel better is if
the one you love will say they love you too. but they won’t. (in some
cases, they won’t ever, but in some, they won’t just for this point in
time.) hugs will comfort you, concerned texts will make you smile, but
no amount of advice will make you feel better.. unless! unless you
decide to let it make you feel better. don’t be pressured
though to follow everyone’s advice. kanya-kanya lang yan. of the one
hundred cliché lines thrown at you at an attempt to make you feel
better, most will not make you feel better (in fact, some will make you
feel worse), but there will be a few major lines (not necessarily given
by those closest to you, mind you) that will speak to you and touch
your heart and soothe your soul. those pieces of advice, you hold on to.

2. on prayer.

a
broken heart will wake up some days so unbelievably hopeless and
wanting to just stay in bed all day. some will even go all out in
saying they want to die (but of course you don’t really want to die,
right?) a broken heart will wake up some days feeling somewhat rested
and peaceful, but with a slight fear that they might encounter
something that day that will bring back all the pain. whatever mood the
broken heart wakes up in, one thing remains. it’s a broken heart. and
this may sound cheesy or false to some, but there is only one thing
that can heal all things broken. our LoRd and personal savior, JeSus
ChRisT. when your heart is peaceful, give thanks. when your heart is
troubled, still give thanks and ask for deliverance. when your heart is
shattered into a million pieces, still give thanks, and ask that you
may learn whatever life lesson it is that He wants you to learn. in
both high and low, give thanks, because it is one of the surest things
in life that GoD only works for the good of those who love Him.

3. on moving on.

don’t
be pressured! for some it takes weeks. for some, months. for some,
years! of course no one likes the pain that a broken heart brings. (its
pain like no other! araaay talaga grabe!) but, you have to go through
it. there is no short cut, there is no other way. go through it. go and
let it out. cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, cry in the
bathroom, cry to your friends. lock yourself in the room, stay in bed
all day, don’t talk to anyone for hours, make senti all you want. do it
all. don’t let anybody stop you. (but don’t let it get in the way of
school or work or the things you have to do either! okay? okay.) feel
all those yucky, disgusting, heart-shattering feelings, curl it all up
into this unbelievably sad ball, and one day, when you are ready, throw
it out the window. it will happen for you. i know you feel it won’t,
that the day you will be okay will never come, but it will. have faith,
it will.

let me stop at this third point and end by
saying that i’ve felt all those feelings of hopelessness and
worthlessness that you might be feeling right now. and, honestly, so
have thousands, and millions of other people around you. it sucks. it
really does. but hey. nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody
said that you have to do it alone.

all this i share with pure sincerity from the bottom of my happy heart, to your soon-to-be happy heart!


-by byam with her couz.